Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
