This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
