dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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