I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize