I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
