if i can run in heels then i can drive
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
