i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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