Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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