so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
