I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
