tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
