Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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