i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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