How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
