I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
