he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
