dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
