Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
