The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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