you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
