your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
