Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?