YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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