i would punch a child for taco bell
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked