He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
