I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.