My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
