Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize