kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
