I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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