I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
