as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
