Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
