He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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