he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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