if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
