worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
