I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
