Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
