This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
