shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
do herpes really smell.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
