Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
