I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So many bounce houses so little time
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize