my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
