I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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