If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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