I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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