and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
