is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
