next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
