Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
