when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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