That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
