I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
