can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
