i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize