you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
