I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
