i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
