if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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