Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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