also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were trust falling into bushes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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