Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
