oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
