If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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