I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
