Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
