oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
