we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
