genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize