actually, I'm a sock model
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize