honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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