her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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