She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
