Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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