Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
