it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
